September 2001

Upstream Parenting Supports Seniors, Their Families

Tennessee Register, September 14, 2001
by Theresa Laurence

NASHVILLE. When Ellen Apple’s grandmother broke her hip, Apple quickly began to learn what it meant to be part of the ever-growing “sandwich generation.” She described her grandmother as the white bread-brittle and easily breakable; her children as the wheat bread-a little stronger but still fragile; her husband as the jelly-spreading around and often getting squeezed out; and herself as the peanut butter, holding them all together. As Apple attempts to “hold it all together” she is trying to educate herself and others about the aging process and what it takes to be a caregiver and receiver. She started “Upstream Parenting” which will be offered as a series of monthly meetings at Christ the King Church to help those in the community learn about issues affecting the elderly. She has scheduled guest speakers for each of the meetings, and hopes to promote dialogue between attendees as they learn about the medical, physical, and legal issues that concern the elderly. The meetings are open to persons of any age, from caregivers to those in imminent need of care, coping with the inevitable aging process. Dr. James Powers, internal medicine associate of geriatrics at Vanderbilt Hospital addressed the first Upstream Parenting meeting, telling those present that “you are head of the curve,” in self-education. He addressed the issues such as long distance care giving, driving, bodily adjustments, depression, and preventing and recovering from falls. Powers’ goal is to “get community involved in keeping the elderly healthy.”

In many cases, a family community is needed to care for an elderly parent. Steve Meyer, a Christ the King parishioner, helps in caring for his 91-year-old father, Harland Meyer, who lives in an assisted living facility in Cincinnati, Ohio. Steve Meyer’s brother lives in Cincinnati and serves as the primary caregiver. Meyer visits his father about once a month, and often helps him “with financial side of things. He does a pretty good job, but I help him sort it out. He was a numbers person, but has two private insurance companies paying him, of what Medicare doesn’t pay. It gets confusing,” Meyer said.

Meyer said that convincing his father to move out of his house “was a process. It is a gradual process for people to recognize if they need assistance or need to make a move, and second, the psychological [process]: ‘can I give up my house?’ Dad had moved many times, he had not lived in same house for 50 years,” Meyer said, which did make the idea of moving a little easier. The major problem Harland Meyer copes with on a daily basis is mobility. “He walks with a walker and has difficulty with movement. Every step he takes with some problem,” Steve Meyer said. “I thought it was very interesting what the doctor said [at the meeting], and it fits my dad to a T, that the most important organ is your legs.” Meyer said that for his father, getting in and out of bed or transferring from a favorite chair an be “a chore.” He said “things are too low or too high”; homes are generally not built with the elderly in mind.

However, there are relatively inexpensive and simple ways to modify a home so it can be more accommodating. With Powers estimating the average cost of recovery from a broken hip at $100,000, any measure taken to prevent falls in the home becomes important. Ella Chadwell, a lifelong Christ the King parishioner, has two parents still living in their home, which she helped modify as needed. Chadwell is general manager of Life@Home, Inc. which sells home modification products and services for seniors and those with disabilities. “We try to maintain as much independence as possible, allowing a person dignity and independence along with safety. We do recognize you’re in an environment that possibly was safe for many, many years. We recognize that while the environment hasn’t changed, a person’s body does,” Chadwell said.

At the Upstream Parenting meeting held September 5, Powers addressed the philosophical issues of maintaining the dignity of an elder. He warned against caregivers being “enablers” of vices, such as supplying an elderly person with cigarettes or alcohol, or allowing them to regularly overeat, which sparked discussion about caregivers going overboard with precaution. “Sometimes we just want to be left alone,” said one senior at the meeting. Although she can’t remember whether her affiliation with Life@Home or her parents’ need for home modification came first, Chadwell said when she “came upon this company and realized that they were doing something that was very socially responsible, that was my whole purpose, to find a career that was socially responsible.”

Her parents, Mary Louise and John Frazier, who have lived in their home for over 50 years, have a floor plan that is mostly all one level except for upstairs bedrooms and a den, sunken three steps down. Chadwell pointed out the unusually wide doorways in their home, and railings that had been added with her assistance. “The things Ella has installed have helped us greatly. They have kept us from going to assisted living or another condo. The children are very helpful, which makes us not only a lot happier, but more secure in our home,” John Frazier said. Their six children and 14 grandchildren have been a “godsend,” added Mary Louise.

The Fraziers explained that their biggest problem is mobility. Simple things like reaching into top of a closet for a blanket, or bending over to get a dropped coin are now an effort. “Before switching rooms, you have to remember what you need so you don’t have to go back,” said Mary Louise. Both said that they “keep busy” with the help of their children and through regular activities, such as cooking dinner. “I do all the cooking,” said Mary Louise. “She’s a very good cook,” John quickly added.

Upstream Parenting meets the first Wednesday of each month in the library of the Christ the King Parish Center at 7 p.m. For more information, call the parish office at (615)292-2884.